HONESTY – The Inevitable Essence of a RELATIONSHIP?

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“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand”

A beautiful saying from the pen of Margaret Mead makes us feel the essence of a relationship and a feeling of oneness with your loved ones. We will talk more about relationships and an important factor – Honesty in the survival of any relationship.

Are you happy with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Are you bestowed the same respect that you demand from your partner? Are you the kind your partner takes you to be or you just bluffing? Well, these are the basic baffling questions one needs to answer oneself when one is in a relationship! It is no big a deed to get in a relationship, but it’s really tough to be in a healthy relationship and maintain a touch of honesty, integrity and fidelity with your partner. It is heart touching and a complete feeling of bliss to hear someone love you, but only if the relationship has a warmth of understanding and honesty nurtured in it. Otherwise, “love” is a just a mere word with “no-feelings” imbibed in it.

Relationship is a sweet kind of bonding two people share with a sense of responsibility to handle the warmth in it. The relationship may be interpersonal, intimate, direct or indirect. Be it any kind, honesty forms the basic entity in all. The famous maxim rightly defines honesty – “Honesty is the best policy”. In a true relationship, the partners share all matters with each other; be it worth revealing or not. A relationship can make or mar your life.

The present generation boys and girls are highly vulnerable to problems in a relationship. They counter to a relation, but lack maturity needed to smoothly strengthen the relationship. These days teenagers are used to speaking “white lies” just to avoid being uncomfortable or to keep the other person happy. This is because the society has defined some standards for honesty. Their definition suggests that one can lie if things don’t favor you. The young generation caters to these definitions and so the small lies they say for no biggies mitigate the love of their relationship.

“Bonds are weak until they are tested”. The above saying rings some truth. Only trust in a relationship can withstand this feeling in your bond with your partner. Trust is a stand-alone entity in a relationship. If you don’t trust your partner, then the weak links of your relation will soon end up in a feeling of remorse. So, it is always better to speak out things even if you don’t want to reveal, when you are in a relationship; which would anyways be known some other day. And trust comes when you are honest. Honesty is a key measure to know how strong you are related to your partner.

In this 21st century, faith and trust are “gone-away” words. To be completely honest, sometimes may leave us in a fix. Honesty is not always the heart of all what we say. But again, honesty has various degrees. Just consider a situation that a girl and her beau are going out for a party. This situation may have occurred to many of us. The girl dressed in marvelous attire asks her boyfriend whether she isn’t carrying an extra flab look with her dress. Now, if the guy honestly replies in a straight forward way that “yes, you are looking fat dear”, then the girl would feel hurt though it may be the truth.

Another way round if the boy replies that the dress is absolutely your feet and you look too gorgeous in it, then maybe at the party other people may cause embarrassment to the girl and the girl may later get angry with her beau. Thus, being completely honest or completely dishonest in a relationship doesn’t always help. Here, the correct way to reply is by reforming a degree of honesty. Things would have been fine if the guy replies that you are looking nice, but I think you look slimmer in the other dress which you wore the other day. Such a diplomatic reply would suffice the need of honesty with a blend of softness.

Now we will talk about the phobia of honesty! Many times you have certain secrets which you feel if revealed to your partner would lead to the sabotaging of your relationship. The unraveling things often are about physical intimacy, money or similar things. If you don’t tell your partner about your secrets, you will always find guilt within you. This reduces closeness with your partner and is not an open and trustworthy relation. This is not a strong relationship. It leads to melancholy and stress rather than joy and pleasure. Any relationship which is weak meets its dead end at an early or later stage, isn’t? So, do not hide anything from your partner and be honest in confronting everything. May be your partner would feel hurt, but if your relationship is strong and true, your partner will understand you. A true relationship is always ready for any kind of disagreement because the end is always peaceful. Truth hurts but it heals.

There is a continuous vicious cycle. If one is lacking self esteem, one is tempted to be dishonest. This leads to a fear of truth which ultimately indulges one to be dishonest. And again, being dishonest leads back to low self esteem. It is a difficult task to break through this cycle once a person is trapped in it. So better avoid lies and enhance your self esteem! Not only does speaking honesty makes you feel happy, but it also has other benefits. You build up self confidence, self worth and self esteem once you have spelled out all truth within you. Also, you develop better emotional resilience and the ability to be on the side of truth as you have succeeded in revealing the truth by being honest.

Lastly, a final note: Just believe in yourself and your partner! Then “Honesty” is bound to be a part of your relationship and you won’t be shy about your truths.